Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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