i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
