I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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