I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
