I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
then he tried to convert me to islam
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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