it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ketchup is God's man juice
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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