just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
