I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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