so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
