So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
