Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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