I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
