Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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