Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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