Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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