So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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