im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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