first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
