i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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