somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
