If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
