I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
