i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
