I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
