What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
