hell yes lets make some ravioli
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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