It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
