I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
