No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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