Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
