theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
