He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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