A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
