they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
