oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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