dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
