He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
