mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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