i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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