I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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