the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
