When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
