Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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