I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
