Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
