Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
