told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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