Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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