Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
