if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
