i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
