I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
