White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
love makes seman taste better
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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