12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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