'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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