Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
