we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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