On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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