I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
