Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
