hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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