No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
