Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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