Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
