Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
