dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
