guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
