apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
