Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize