I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
