Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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